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The Sir Douglas Fairview Guide To Shark Survival

In Australia there are a wide variety of animals with detailed plans to kill humans, no as cunning or deadly as the shark. Though there are many varieties of sharks the one thing they have in common is an insatiable hatred of humans and an unquenchable lust for our blood.

This six volume guide will help you learn how to survive in the shark infested wilds of Australia, and stay one step ahead of what we’ve learned to call nature’s ultimate killing machine.

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Site information

Due to a spam attack where I was receiving upwards of 1,000 emails an hour I have disabled my email account. If you wish to contact me please do so via the comments. I will try putting it up again later.

The site should be updated with new material this week.

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When it happens

When it happens there will be no emergency broadcast announcement on the television. Instead after a commercial, possibly for a new long distance carrier, your screen will go black. While the nation is turning their televisions on and off, trying to resume their viewing it will occur. Maybe some people will be going to the phone to call the cable company to ask what happened to their television. Maybe some people will already have got there.

Not that we’re really going to miss much. You’ve been trained to hate yourself anyway. And those who didn’t follow along in their workbooks have learned to hate others.

We’re going to be replaced by insincere radio pop. It’s already been test marketed and it’s sure to be a hit. The high schools are already briefing their staff. The Internet is being prepared. Our servers won’t crash.

If you think I’ve said too much, I have barely begun.

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