Thought I was going to get fired today

Originally uploaded by Jeffery Simpson.
Going into work today I was pretty sure I was going to get fired. I figured I'd be in the store for about half an hour, and then head out after having cleaned out my desk. By desk I mean the drawer in the back that I keep two pairs of shoes and a tie in. By cleaned out I mean I'd have put my two pairs of shoes in a bag and stuffed my tie into one of my jacket pockets. It was both scary, since I have no money saved and no immediate employment options, and liberating.

It was a poor mystery shop score that had put the fear into me. I've had a few poor ones, and recently another rep was put on notice after a poor one. That rep has some of the best sales numbers in the company, and the rumor around the store is that any of us mere mortals had fucked up that bad we'd be gone. My numbers have never been best in the company level, and so I figured that was it I was gone. Now in my defense I always do well on the parts of the mystery shop that I feel should matter most, the bits where the customer says they like me, that I respected them, that I helped them and that they would in fact buy a cell phone from me, let me marry their daughter (or son) and would be happy to have me as their children's Godfather. What I always manage to fuck up is the bit where I use salesperson voodoo on them to close the sale.

In the business we don't call it voodoo, since witchcraft is generally frowned upon in retail settings, but rather "closing". Below is a little video about it, presented by Alec Baldwin in a manner far more dramatic than the tale I got when I got to work. The story ends with me not getting fired, which is a good thing. It lacks the life changing implications, but gets points for allowing me to eat food and not starve.