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The Sir Douglas Fairview Guide To Shark Survival

The Sir Douglas Fairview Guide To Shark Survival

In Australia there are a wide variety of animals with detailed plans to kill humans, no as cunning or deadly as the shark. Though there are many varieties of sharks the one thing they have in common is an insatiable hatred of humans and an unquenchable lust for our blood.

This six volume guide will help you learn how to survive in the shark infested wilds of Australia, and stay one step ahead of what we’ve learned to call nature’s ultimate killing machine.

This first volume contains the following sections:

  • Chapter One: Shark Psychology - Infancy to Teenage Years
  • Chapter Two: Shark Psychology - Middle Age to Mid-Life Crisis
  • Chapter Three: Shark Psychology - Menopause to Old Age
  • Chapter Four: The Oral Tradition of Shark Folk Tales
    • The Legend of Toothy McGee
    • Surfers from heaven
    • Bigger Boats and Other Tales From Kennebunkport
  • Chapter Five: Spotting a Shark
    • In the mall
    • On public transit
    • At a dinner for a government official
  • Chapter Six: Shark Weapons
    • Wit, Charm & Style
    • Giant teeth
    • Firearms
    • An almost fanatical devotion to the Pope
  • Chapter Six: Sharks in Disguise
    • Shark camouflage
    • Wigs - a shark’s best friend
    • The Groucho

Of course this volume is only the beginning, and doesn’t touch on many of the most dangerous aspects of sharks such as shark society, shark government and of course shark cinema. It is only through the purchase of all six volumes of this collection that you can be assured of having the complete knowledge required to survive an encounter with a shark while traveling in Australia.

- Sir Douglas Fairview - Shark Expert, 1873

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Hey big guy

Hey big guy