I once read somewhere that with the proper conditioner a person could become an empire onto themselves. They could tax whom they wanted, and perhaps even declare war on those with hair that did not live up to the high quality that we've come to expect in our modern world. This is what I’ve come to believe from watching television. It is a new brand world, where things smell fresh, taste fresh and are just like being outside.
I have left you an extra space above this paragraph to write in that this is all nonsense. Don’t worry it goes nowhere from here. We’ll just be listening to Elvis Costello records while singing the words to Matthew Good songs. It works better that way, because as they say everything is automatic.
We are horrible people, you and I. High fidelity lovers in a lo-fi land. Oh yes, you’re not getting out of this one. No matter how many lawyers you can hire. Even if the glove does not fit. Maybe separately we can pass by as acceptable human beings, but collectively we’re pretty much fucked. Together the authorities want to hunt us down and ship us in iron crates to somewhere far away, like Yugoslavia or Narnia. You can have Narnia. I’ll take Yugoslavia. I’ve never been able to stomach mixing religion and talking animals. I’ve never been able to hold my liquor.
I left you more room to tell me off. You, like the people at MasterCard know my faults. You know how I fail late at night with private access to the Internet and PayPal. You know what turns me on. You are the Amazon.com of my dreams. Promise to send me books about football and booze written by Tony Adams and I promise to tell you my expiry date.
My computer (iBook – 500mhz) has Microsoft Office OSX. Microsoft Word has a spell checker. It helped me realize that MasterCard was one word, two capitals. Like Ireland. Word, however does not recognize what a Narnia is.
These are dirty thoughts. These are sloppy sentences. These are half-truths and unfocused tales. I will use conditioner, but only if it’s packaged in the same bottle as the shampoo. It’s an act of defiance in a world were revolution is a trendy lifestyle. I would lay down on the street’s side like the man in “Just” but Jonny Greenwood doesn’t play with guitars anymore. Whenever I walk by a suggestion box I write down the only thing I can: Hold on tight.