A Fresh Voice. A Willing Ear. A more collaborative White Rock for us all.

On October 20th Vote Jeffery Simpson for White Rock City Council.

Answering machine

* Yet another end of the world story.  I'm awestruck that I was so obsessed with getting a girlfriend that I manage to equate it with redemption. 

It was my last chance for redemption. She was my last chance for redemption. No matter what the others would say, no matter how much they’d hurt me when they dumped me I always was able to pull myself together. It was the thought of her. The thought that one-day we’d be together, that we still had a chance. That’s what kept me going... the hope of her love.

I don’t know why it was her that I had placed such importance on. She had never paid undue attention to me. To here I was just another friend, one of many. Maybe it was because I always thought we’d be together, or maybe it was because I knew we’d never be. Perhaps I just picked her by random chance, luck of the draw. I don’t like to think that way though, I believe it was love, love at first sight. A love reinforced by years of friendship.

She’d console me after another girl had dumped me. Tell me that I was a great guy and any girl who didn’t jump at the chance to date me was crazy. Then she’d promise that one day I’d find the girl I was looking for, the girl I was fated for. The irony of the situation always cheered me up, if only she knew I’d think... One day she will, I would vow.

Now it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. What good is clever irony when there’s no one to share it with? When you’re alone. For I am alone now, well and truly.

It seems like yesterday that they announced the date for the end of the world. They did it calmly, as if it happened everyday. When I heard it something ticked in my brain, one day... I had always said one day she’d be mine. One day never had a deadline; it could happen tomorrow or fifty years from now. Now one day was a lot sooner.

My friends all decided to go east for the end. Big parties where being planed for the larger cities, free beer was promised by some. I found irony to enjoy in that too.

She wasn’t going, staying home for one reason or another. That made my plans for me. I’d stay here too. My promised fate was waiting. I was quite happy; her squeeze to be was going as well. Things where looking up.

We saw each other a couple of times, just as friends; I was trying to screw my courage up to ask her for more. I never seemed to find the courage, the time never seemed right; I always waited too long. Those are my excuses. None of them makes the outcome any easier to swallow.

We were set to meet that night. I was finally going to ask her, to propose to her. Propose what? Even I didn't know. Marriage? It would last longer than some I suppose. Sex? Maybe, but that’s not what I wanted, I loved her, I guess all I wanted was for her to love me in return.

What ever I was planning I had bought a ring, it took the rest of my college fund but then again I don’t think I’m going to be going back next year. I was all set. I even wrote poetry, which was awful but she always seemed to like what ever I wrote.

I was heading out the door, on my way. My dream was within my grasp.

Nothing can stop me now, I told myself. This time it would work out.

We’d be together at last. Five years waiting, keeping desires a secret, trying to get through.... I’m starting to sound like some damned romantic. Anyway to make a long story short I was just putting my shoes one, wrapped up in a blanket of joy when a sound pierced my euphoria.

Ring...

I blinked, to hear such a mundane sound, as a telephone is surprising when one is in the state I was in. I stopped tying my shoes and stared.

Ring...

I blinked again. I thought about answering it. I decided against it; it would probably just be my brother in law or someone annoying, a phone poll to see how the end of the world is affecting my soap purchasing.

I’d let the machine get it. If it were someone important I’d then pick it up.

Ring... Click...

Hello welcome to my answering machine. I’m too busy to talk to you at the moment although I will return your call as soon as I can. Actually that’s a load of crap... I’m really sitting on the couch purposefully ignoring your message because I’m too important for you...

Beep...

Her laugh came through the tiny speaker on the answering machine, "That’s a good one. Look I’m sorry to brush you off tonight but I’ve got a date with Alex. I doubt it’s something special but he’s a fun guy and I thought we’d just sort of have a great time... you know before it all ends. Anyway I probably won’t see you again. Not before.... well you know. I just want to say it has been great knowing you and all. You’ve been a true friend. Anyway catch you on the flip side." she laughs again, "If there is one. Love ya."

Click...

The light went on alerting me that I had a message. I laughed the sort of laugh one laughs when they find that the parachute they chose has a large hole in it, after that jumped. And with that the only thing that really mattered to me left my life, forever.

It used to be that forever was a very long time. Eventually you’d heal after any relationship ended, if you gave it enough time of course.

Forever is not so long anymore, and I don’t have time to heal, the wound will be open until the end I guess.

I spent a number of hours pondering taking my life. This after a bit seemed a little redundant since I had less than three days left. I think I spent a day drinking heavily, I can’t remember. And so today is the last day. This is it...

Today I reflect, with a headache. I’m not mad at her, of good lord I could never be. I curse myself for not telling her of my love sooner.

Maybe then it would have all worked out. I have even half convinced myself that there’s still a chance. She’s going to come through my door any minute now.

For my last trick

Last things