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20 things wrong with I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

* Hey look I reviewed the movie I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. Most of this article no longer makes any sense to me, though I have to say I am happy that nobody has heard a peep from Brandy in about half a decade.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
Negative ***

Jennifer Love Hewitt

1. It should have been called I Still Know What You Did The Summer Before Last

2. Brandy really should not be in the entertainment industry at all.

3. Jennifer Love Hewitt sings, not once but twice.

4. That was the stupidest ending ever in the history of movies.

5. Normally in a horror film you have to care about the characters so when they are threatened by the serial killer you are not hoping that they will be killed off.

6. No nudity. Not that nudity would have made it a good movie but at least I could have said that I got at least one thing out of the time I spent sitting in the theatre watching this piece of crap.

7. The Jennifer Love Hewitt school of acting, "Instead of getting into character how about if I just thrust my shoulders back to accentuate my breasts?" This is a style of acting that does not work nearly as well in a movie with no nudity as it does in say, porn.

8. They killed off Randy! Oh, sorry that was in Scream 2. However Randy from the two Scream films are a good example of a character that I, and a lot of other people, cared about and found cool. None of these characters even match up to that.

9. As if that damn fisherman could have survived the first movie.

10. How is it that a man in a fishing slicker can get into a nightclub?

11. Kevin Williamson didn't write this script and you can tell. For all its faults the first movie at least had an ironic tone and a good deal of humour. This one lacks both of those.

12. That stupid plot twist that no one could have foreseen, not because the writer is clever enough to be able to keep it concealed but because the writer is without talent. After watching I Know What You Did Last Summer again I had a very sweet plot twist planned out for the sequel, one that I believe Kevin Williamson was planning as well. This movie uses a bastardised version of that plot twist and it is not half as clever.

13. There were less than half a dozen good lines in this movie. Normally at least slasher and horror movies have at least a dozen choice lines like Army of Darkness' "Give me some sugar baby" or "All right you primitive screwheads, this is my boom stick."

14. There was no Star Wars trailer on the film. Not that there should be since that is at the other theatre. But I did spend most of the film thinking about the Star Wars episode one trailer.

15. Jennifer Love Hewitt has only two breasts but a lot more lines. A very uneven balance.

16. One of the hotel staff has actually seen this serial killer wandering around the island for a number of weeks and doesn't feel at all obliged to inform anyone.

17. They repeat that stupid, "What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for!?" scene. I suppose they think that is irony. How about just crappy?

18. Okay so this killer survived having his hand cut off and falling off a boat in the middle of the ocean. Okay fine I can buy that. But he survives all that and being shot five or six times? And how does he get off the island?

19. "Will Benson... duh!", that line made me want to hunt the screenwriter down and kill him and his children.

20. Due to my misreading of the paper and peer pressure I saw it twice.

My sycophantic replacement

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